why i am home on saturday night

holly, my best friend, was going to have a party. all week it's been "remember that saturday night is my party, you're coming, right?" i bought an extra cute dress because this guy she works with was invited. (steamy, he is. so hot he's steamy.) my cousin invited me to the beachhouse. my brother-in-law offered me $200 to babysit the brats so he could take my sister somewhere for the weekend. "can't!" I said to those offers. hols is having a party and i promised i'd come."

this afternoon, holly calls me and rasps through the phone, "i'm too fucking hung over to clean my house."

huh?

i offer to help her. no, she can't be bothered. the cat litter is overflowing, she says. i'll lose all respect for her, she says. she's going to spend the day lying in bed and would i please get the word out that the party is a no go?

so i make some calls. then i take a bath. i lie in the tub and shave my legs while the water grows cold. (too bad, steamy. i'd have been all sleek had you seen me in that cute dress.) i get out of the bath and, wrapped in a towel, try to take a nap on my back patio. yeah so the wife-beater wearing neighbor keeps peeking out his window. i guess that huge peach colored towel i took from my parents house is a turn-on. it came almost to my knees, you know? but must be thrilling to look at if you're 60.

anyway i lay there on the porch -which isn't sunny, by the way, even when the sun is shining-and i thought about better jobs and that steamy guy and what i would have done with the $200 babysitting money. then suddenly it was 8 o'clock and i didn't have any plans. hols has her phone turned off and nobody else is answering. maybe this is a good way to spend a saturday night, it's cheap and i won't be hung over tomorrow.

then again, i could start dialling again.

nah.

(sorry hols for telling the world about your cat litter but to be honest juniper kitty deserves a clean box and you really ought to not drink so much unless you're drinking with me, beeyatch.)