The Devil.
Readers, Cupcake sometimes feels that she watches most of the game from the bench. She was once told by a psychic that most of her past lives had been spent in religious seclusion, more than once as a cloistered monk.
For the record, Cupcake's thinks reincarnation is a sensible idea. What Cupcake thinks recycling of any sort is a peachy idea. And she knows that energy is neither created nor destroyed and all that. And she has also observed that the trees stay the same while the leaves change every year. So reincarnation makes sense to her, as a proposition. She not particularly invested in the idea-- although it has crossed her mind that it would be rather nice to come back as a cat and have better night vision--but she is content to wait and see.
However, when the psychic said that she'd spent most of her incarnate existances in quiet contemplation, Cupcake thought that sounded just about right. If reincarnation happens, that's likely the way she would spend her time. The psychic's theory was that this life, Cupcake was attempting to see what all the fuss was about, having observed other people living more participatory existances. This time around, Cupcake was going to try to jump in the game. Just as an experiment.
Whether the psychic was right or not, one way or another, Cupcake watches things with the surprised eye of someone who has spent a great deal of time in sequestered contemplation.
And one thing that she's come to realize is that the Devil walks among us.
The Devil is the thing that shows up in beauty but leaves you with ugliness. The thing that promises but never performs. The person who calls to invite you over, but doesn't answer the door when you get there, so that you stand there, uncertain if they're in there laughing at you or had to dash to the store for a minute to pick up some Camel Lights and will be right back.
It's hard when the Devil shows up because sometimes he is wearing the features of someone we know is not essentially evil. Where is the real person's good self when the Devil is pulling the strings? Cupcake does not know. And maybe that's what Free Will is all about-- the ability to say, "Get thee behind me, Satan!", which translates in modern terms to "Kiss my backside, dickwad." Maybe the point is that when the devil shows up and tells people that it's okay to mess around with other people's heads, God wants us to tell him to take a flying eff at a rolling donut.
But people don't always tell him that. Even good people.
I watch for this. I watch it happen to my friends, and I watch it happen to me. In others, I usually observe a healthy intuition of when to back off, when someone is acting like the Devil's Howdy-Doody.
For myself, this isn't always the case. This life is an experiment, remember? This is where things get interesting for me. I sort of poke at the Devil's embers, wondering what will happen. I want to know the next part of the story. I stand there on the metaphorical doorstep, ringing the damn buzzer and scanning the street expecting to see my friend skipping up the sidewalk with a 7-11 bag.
Objectively, I can see that this probably isn't such a good idea. And sometimes I am able to resist it. Other times though-- I feel like THAT's my work, THAT"s why I'm here-- to follow these things, to see where the Devil will go. Maybe it's a test of what I can take on without getting upset. Or maybe I just really want the end of the story. Or maybe I trust too much that people who let the Devil drive them for a little while are actually still good people.
I don't know. I'm only halfway though the experiment. I can't say it's going swimmingly. But there are moments of beauty, and kindness, and confirmation that whether we only go around once in this life or we go around a lot more-- Life is worth living.
I feel sorry for the Devil. If he were around, I'd buy him a cup o' Joe. Oh, sure-- he'd order the most expensive drink at Starbucks and then ditch me. But I'd shrug it off and go work a crossword puzzle or something.
The game's just not all that important from the bench. Or at least not the one I am sitting on.
For the record, Cupcake's thinks reincarnation is a sensible idea. What Cupcake thinks recycling of any sort is a peachy idea. And she knows that energy is neither created nor destroyed and all that. And she has also observed that the trees stay the same while the leaves change every year. So reincarnation makes sense to her, as a proposition. She not particularly invested in the idea-- although it has crossed her mind that it would be rather nice to come back as a cat and have better night vision--but she is content to wait and see.
However, when the psychic said that she'd spent most of her incarnate existances in quiet contemplation, Cupcake thought that sounded just about right. If reincarnation happens, that's likely the way she would spend her time. The psychic's theory was that this life, Cupcake was attempting to see what all the fuss was about, having observed other people living more participatory existances. This time around, Cupcake was going to try to jump in the game. Just as an experiment.
Whether the psychic was right or not, one way or another, Cupcake watches things with the surprised eye of someone who has spent a great deal of time in sequestered contemplation.
And one thing that she's come to realize is that the Devil walks among us.
The Devil is the thing that shows up in beauty but leaves you with ugliness. The thing that promises but never performs. The person who calls to invite you over, but doesn't answer the door when you get there, so that you stand there, uncertain if they're in there laughing at you or had to dash to the store for a minute to pick up some Camel Lights and will be right back.
It's hard when the Devil shows up because sometimes he is wearing the features of someone we know is not essentially evil. Where is the real person's good self when the Devil is pulling the strings? Cupcake does not know. And maybe that's what Free Will is all about-- the ability to say, "Get thee behind me, Satan!", which translates in modern terms to "Kiss my backside, dickwad." Maybe the point is that when the devil shows up and tells people that it's okay to mess around with other people's heads, God wants us to tell him to take a flying eff at a rolling donut.
But people don't always tell him that. Even good people.
I watch for this. I watch it happen to my friends, and I watch it happen to me. In others, I usually observe a healthy intuition of when to back off, when someone is acting like the Devil's Howdy-Doody.
For myself, this isn't always the case. This life is an experiment, remember? This is where things get interesting for me. I sort of poke at the Devil's embers, wondering what will happen. I want to know the next part of the story. I stand there on the metaphorical doorstep, ringing the damn buzzer and scanning the street expecting to see my friend skipping up the sidewalk with a 7-11 bag.
Objectively, I can see that this probably isn't such a good idea. And sometimes I am able to resist it. Other times though-- I feel like THAT's my work, THAT"s why I'm here-- to follow these things, to see where the Devil will go. Maybe it's a test of what I can take on without getting upset. Or maybe I just really want the end of the story. Or maybe I trust too much that people who let the Devil drive them for a little while are actually still good people.
I don't know. I'm only halfway though the experiment. I can't say it's going swimmingly. But there are moments of beauty, and kindness, and confirmation that whether we only go around once in this life or we go around a lot more-- Life is worth living.
I feel sorry for the Devil. If he were around, I'd buy him a cup o' Joe. Oh, sure-- he'd order the most expensive drink at Starbucks and then ditch me. But I'd shrug it off and go work a crossword puzzle or something.
The game's just not all that important from the bench. Or at least not the one I am sitting on.
posted by Cupcakegrrl at Friday, November 04, 2005
3 Comments:
You haven't been reading Dante have you? It's halfway down the road of life that begins his Divine Comedy...
You bet your ass you'd buy him coffee. The devil you know, and whatnot. But next time you feel like poking at the embers, let me know ahead of time. I'd like the opportunity to at least try and talk you out of it.
hey...i heard you called florent looking for us. Sorry I wasn't there. This is kind of a shitty time right now. I probably won't be saying much in the blog world, but I will be reading when I can.
E-mail me sometime.
Be well. We'll talk soon.
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