The Potsdam Guard

King Friedrich Wilhelm I, father of Friedrich the Great (contemporary of Louis XV and why I started thinking about Friedrich Wilhelm, after my musings on Les Louis the other day--)

Anyway, Friedrich Wilhelm I was an odd little man who beat his children and suffered from deep depression. His greatest interest in life was his army, especially a special group of soldiers called The Potsdam Guard. These men were all giants. He had spies around Europe whose jobs were to keep the ear to the ground for stories of exceptionally tall men. These men would then be scouted to join the Potsdam Guard. If they refused, they'd be kidnapped and forced to be in the Guard anyway.

Many of the men were cretins who didn't really understand what was being asked of them. He brought them from as far away as Spain and Russia. He dressed them in designer uniforms of blue with dashing ribbons and sashes. And on his darkest days of depression, the only thing that could cheer him up was having them march single file through his bedroom.

When Freidrich Wilhelm died, the Prussian Guard was disbanded. And suddenly the streets of Europe were glutted with very tall morons, all trying to find their way home.

I've always thought that was an interesting story. I love those crazy Brandenburgs. I liked them ever since I learned that Friedrich the Great, a great lover of dogs, made sure that there were royal graves for his dogs, next to his own at the palace of San Souci.

And I like the thought of rosy-cheeked Friedrich Wilhelm, chasing away the blues by lounging on his bed in powdered wig, watching his soldiers and marveling at each of them.

That image struck a chord with me. It reminded me of something. But I couldn't figure out what. Then it came to me, one day. It reminded me of --myself.

There's been a slow single file parade of idiots marching through my bedroom for years.