Brief Update from the Eye of the Hurricane
There was a sketch in the 70's play "Pfeiffer's People" about a guy who dreams about "boxes upon boxes upon boxes. And as I stood there gaping and staring at all those boxes, they all came tumbling down on me!"
Welcome to my world.
The movers are coming at 8:00 AM tomorrow. This week has been really weird-- not sleeping at night, pacing restlessly, sleeping from dawn til 10 or so-- I'll be glad when it's all over. Assignations that fail to actuate. Letters I haven't answered.
Nothing's seemed straightforward. Except perhaps the boxes.
Today I spoke harshly to someone I love. Who truly deserved harsh words, and perhaps a smack upside the head. But because he was a dick, I didn't follow through with something I'd promised to do for him. And now I feel conflicted. Like I should do the thing even though he was a dick, because I said I would. But I don't want him to think it's okay to be such a dick. And yet-- He does think it is, because I've always shrugged off his dickishness before. He IS kind of a dick. I've known that for a long time. It's all about him. I've kind of liked that, the way I like it when someone orders for me in a restaurant. It takes the pressure off. And unless they order lambs balls stewed in squid ink or something, I probably don't care that much what I eat.
See-- this is why my New Year's Resolution was BE SELFISH. I'm too damn easy-going about most things.
But now-- Now I don't know what to do. Follow through on my word? Or say to myself, "I'll save my energy for people who are nicer to me."
Yeah, I know. I know what the Dear Abby answer would be. I also know it's more complicated than that, and that I don't have time to embark on a rambling tale of karma and committment. (Much to your collective relief, believe me, my blog-reading friends.)
I have to go back to the packing. I'll write something more later, perhaps. I just wanted to reach into the blog-world and send out a word to clear the pipes to the larger world, like in Horton Hears A Who.
We are here, we are here, we are heeeeeeeeeere!
Oh, friends. Send me good thoughts. I am sad, and my world is swirling. I am in the eye of the hurricane, but the storm still scares me. A little. Well, okay. Maybe a lot.
Welcome to my world.
The movers are coming at 8:00 AM tomorrow. This week has been really weird-- not sleeping at night, pacing restlessly, sleeping from dawn til 10 or so-- I'll be glad when it's all over. Assignations that fail to actuate. Letters I haven't answered.
Nothing's seemed straightforward. Except perhaps the boxes.
Today I spoke harshly to someone I love. Who truly deserved harsh words, and perhaps a smack upside the head. But because he was a dick, I didn't follow through with something I'd promised to do for him. And now I feel conflicted. Like I should do the thing even though he was a dick, because I said I would. But I don't want him to think it's okay to be such a dick. And yet-- He does think it is, because I've always shrugged off his dickishness before. He IS kind of a dick. I've known that for a long time. It's all about him. I've kind of liked that, the way I like it when someone orders for me in a restaurant. It takes the pressure off. And unless they order lambs balls stewed in squid ink or something, I probably don't care that much what I eat.
See-- this is why my New Year's Resolution was BE SELFISH. I'm too damn easy-going about most things.
But now-- Now I don't know what to do. Follow through on my word? Or say to myself, "I'll save my energy for people who are nicer to me."
Yeah, I know. I know what the Dear Abby answer would be. I also know it's more complicated than that, and that I don't have time to embark on a rambling tale of karma and committment. (Much to your collective relief, believe me, my blog-reading friends.)
I have to go back to the packing. I'll write something more later, perhaps. I just wanted to reach into the blog-world and send out a word to clear the pipes to the larger world, like in Horton Hears A Who.
We are here, we are here, we are heeeeeeeeeere!
Oh, friends. Send me good thoughts. I am sad, and my world is swirling. I am in the eye of the hurricane, but the storm still scares me. A little. Well, okay. Maybe a lot.
posted by Cupcakegrrl at Friday, January 27, 2006
7 Comments:
I'll help you, I say. But who are you? Where? I'm lurking and looking. I see nothing there but a small speck of dust blowing past through the air.
May you land safely, Leslie.
I'm here. What can I do?
Just do what you said you'd do. The dick won't care but you will.
Sending positive thoughts to Jersey is a difficult proposition. There is just sooooo much interference.
Here are the good wishes!
Hazelblackberry is correct that your good deed will go overlooked by him but not by you.
Good luck with the boxes and good thoughts in your direction.
Hope the move is going well.
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